


Give Me Your Mind

by monkiainen



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: Gen, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2013-07-11
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:13:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock does some self-examination, and realises something important along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Give Me Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Written for goddessdster for the Summer 2013 holmestice exchange.

Sleep is overrated. So is eating, drinking, socializing, or whatever mundane things the so-called normal humans engage themselves into countless times during their boring lives. I, on the other hand, am something different.

If you ask around what kind of person I am, you will get several opinions that may or may not have anything to do with the actual truth. If you ask it from my father, he would probably direct your question to his secretary in an e-mail. And that’s about it. Never expect to have a direct answer from the man himself, it’s pointless.

Captain Gregson would probably tell you that I’m a pain in the ass, but he respects my individual abilities. After all, I **am** a great asset to the police force, even if my methods aren’t the most traditional ones _(or more conservative ones, like the ones used by the hardworking officers of law)_. Bell would roll his eyes and tell you to go bother someone else.

Joan.. well, I’m not so sure about her. 

_ Maybe because you keep changing the rules of your relationship. _

Shush my Inner Voice. I really don’t have time for you right now. I’m in the middle of something very important, and I don’t need you here to mess with my exquisitely intelligent thought process.

As I was saying, I’m not sure what Joan would say about me and my personality. If you had asked her that question during our first days together, she probably would have told you that I’m the quirkiest (her words, not mine!) client she has ever worked with. But something changed and I don’t know what. Normally I’m excellent at deducing people, but Joan.. In a way, she’s a mystery to me. 

Now, she would tell you that despite that I’m not that excellent with the normal social standards, I’m still the greatest consulting detective there is. And she’s the second best, because she has learned her tricks from me. True, she is fairly intelligent on her own _(Let’s face it, you don’t get to be a surgeon if you’re a complete blithering idiot. Alright, let’s rephrase that one, because you can be a surgeon and an idiot at the same time, but I’m not referring to an actual mental dimwit in this particular sentence. You know what I mean.)_ and she has my respect for that. I really didn’t have to break a sweat in order to teach her – she learned mostly by merely observing my work. That, my dear acquaintances, is astounding. 

The last time I was astounded by a woman and her abilities was when I met Irene.

Not only do I see Joan as an equal partner when it comes to our detective work, I also see her as an equal **outside** of our work. I don’t feel the need to change her into someone else – she has given up on trying to make me fit into a mould and lets me be who I truly am. Not many people give me that freedom. Alistair was, and still is, one. Clyde gives me my freedom, too, but that’s only because he’s a turtle. There used to be time when Gregson gave me a part of that freedom, but sadly that’s not the case anymore. I suppose when you’re actively planning to murder the man you thought murdered the woman you loved instead of giving the said murderer to the hands of police will do that. Still, it was the price I was then willing to pay. Now I’m not so sure about it anymore.

I’ve known Gregson for quite some time, and somewhere along the line he has become one of the most constant things in my life. Not because of his position, but because of the man himself. When I was still living in London, our paths crossed during his stay at the counter-terrorism bureau of Scotland Yard. I must admit, when I found out that an **American** police officer was going to observe the workings of the Yard I rolled my eyes in annoyance. At that point I was convinced that an ordinary American police officer wouldn’t understand a thing about what was going on. How wrong I was.

I came to realize that Toby Gregson is one of the smartest men I’ve come across to when dealing with the police forces – both in London and in New York. The thing is, he doesn’t feel the need to flaunt his abilities, he just comes and does his job the best he can. Which, I may add, is quite impressive. If I believed the psychological nonsense the therapists are charging people ridiculous amounts of money with, I’d say I may or may not look up to him as some kind of father figure. Toby is, after all, a few years _(13 years, 8 months and 7 days to be exact)_ older than I am and his position in the NYPD gives him a certain sort of authority. But it’s not only that. I’m not good with emotions; more precisely I’m not good at talking about them. They are so confusing and they mess with my thought process.

I guess.. what I’m trying to say that Toby Gregson is the kind of man you’d love to be friends with. He’s the kind of friend that you can trust in every situation, even if it’s a matter of life and death. But it’s a two-way street – he needs to know he can trust you as well, or else it doesn’t mean a thing. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and make things the way they were before I caught Moran. Now, I can only hope that time will heal the gap between us, as clichéd it may sound.

What happened, happened. No use to wallow in self-pity now.

Despite the fact that I stated that sleeping, eating, drinking and all other things that people do are overrated, I must admit my defeat. Rationally, I know that a man can go only for so long without doing any of those things _(sleep: 36 hours, food: 1 month, water: 5 days)_ but when I’m working a case I’m unable to shut down my brain for a moment to do any of those things. That’s why I need Joan and Toby, my friends, to tell me when I need to slow down and recharge myself.

Yes, I referred to them as friends. My only friends. The most important people in my life. If only I was able to tell them that. Or better yet, if they could deduce it themselves it would save precious time and there wouldn’t be any miscommunication about the matter. One can only wish.

I only wish that they would forgive me for I have wronged them in so many ways already.


End file.
